


Remorse

by Hideaway_In_The_Imagination_World



Series: We are Aware [1]
Category: Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: Alec really needs therapy, Five Nights At Freddys: Fazbear Frights: Lonely Freddy, Five Nights at Freddy's: Fazbear Frights Series, It's just Lefty comforting the child, Lefty acting like a Dad to Alec, Lonely Freddy continuation, This takes place within the main story “I am Machine”, Written in Lefty's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29558439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hideaway_In_The_Imagination_World/pseuds/Hideaway_In_The_Imagination_World
Summary: (Oneshot) Lefty reflects on everything as he comforts Alec early in the morning after he has a nightmare
Series: We are Aware [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175153
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	Remorse

We all regret things in life, some more than others. 

Some are just as small and trivial as not doing something you promised because you didn't remember, to as big as not talking to someone one last time, a regret can be a fleeting moment in a much bigger picture or can be an ever-present thought.

I regret not doing everything I can to prevent this.

Now I was here.

The time is 4:56 AM, I’m in the communal area, where I'd usually have warm coffee to start my day, I was sitting on the sofa, in the dark, and most people wouldn’t know I’m holding a 15-year-old boy in my arms.

After another nightmare, Alec was in an inconsolable state, he was stuck in a cycle.

I was trying to break him from the cycle.

I had woken up and found he wasn’t in bed, my natural instinct told me to search for him immediately. So I went to the communal area and he was on the sofa wrapped up in his thick purple starry blanket, shaking, and crying. 

He looked like a scared child, but contradicting the normal, he wasn’t looking for a parent to comfort him.

As soon as he saw me in the room, he extended his arms out to me like he wanted me to hold him, so that's what I did, I immediately picked him up and hugged him in my arms, he curled against my torso and wailed loudly.

I wasn’t going to force him to speak of what horrors he had seen in his nightmares, my priority was comforting him.

I wanted him to remember he was safe, and he had someone who cared for him. 

I knew Alec cover to cover by this point, I unintentionally learnt a lot of little things about him, like how he loved video games, he had a dog in his childhood which passed away, his favourite food was lasagna, he feared the dark because he couldn't see in the dark. He didn’t sleep particularly well in most circumstances due to night terrors and chronic insomnia that started when he was 12 years old and carried on to this current time. His favourite colour is green, as a human, he has thick curly blonde hair and braces, he hates the smell of raw fish but he can eat it if it's cooked, the way he talks is either full of anger like it was a defence, or unsure like he's scared or confused.

The highlight of him that I know too much about is his family structure and how they treat him. I admit I was disgusted to learn they once left him at school alone when he was eight, and he walked home alone because he had waited an hour and a half with no sign of anyone coming to get him. He clearly learnt at a young age that his parents were unreliable and wouldn’t look out for him, which is extremely damaging in itself, especially to a young child who needs their Mom and Dad for love and safety. The parenting style also irked me, they referred to a book to get Alec to behave, I saw the book myself so I know what it was all about, I understood kids need to be disciplined when they purposely did the wrong thing, but Alec had gotten into that cycle because of them. 

He would behave badly to seek their attention as they had fixated on his younger sister Hazel, did they ever think to take him to therapy? Did they even think of talking to him like a human? Did those thoughts even cross their mind at any point? 

I’ve only observed but it seems likely on top of Alec having untreated Dysgraphia, he probably has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but those things don’t concern me, what concerns me is the fact Alec is obviously depressed now, which I know he was likely depressed before I met him but now this whole situation had worsened it to the point of him being on the verge of a mental breakdown.

He assumed no one would ever care about him, because of his parents, because of how little they cared about him, a child who had done no wrong justifiable enough to just deprive him of love. It was too obvious from the start because of how he acted when I was around him initially, he was scared to get too close and whenever I would try to communicate to him on a deeper level, he'd give me the strangest look I had ever seen like the concept was unfamiliar. The fact I really had to pry and ask questions about everything I heard troubled me on a level I couldn’t and still can’t describe to this very day, and hearing him explain it, he sounded defeated, like he knew it was wrong for them to do that but he couldn't fight back because there was no point, he couldn't change their minds. 

It angered me, I had never heard a child sound so mentally beaten down.

Alec had spent so many years being so hurt, so neglected, so angry... that he was use to it, he was use to being shelved in favour of his much more well-behaved sister Hazel, I didn’t blame her, she appeared to be aware of the treatment and hated it, she reached out to him so many times, it appeared she was the only one who wanted him around, I blame the parents for that. Fuck them, they had broken their child and they didn't feel an ounce of guilt on their shoulders while I now had to practically do their fucking job for them.

They didn’t care Alec was clearly crying out for love because he didn’t feel loved, they didn’t care that they basically neglected him, which is absolutely unacceptable, any parent who neglects their child shouldn’t be one. Every child deserves a sweet loving parent who will listen to them, encourage them and protect them from all horrors that life can throw at them. 

I've heard of too many parents who definitely were unsuitable to raise kids but I never thought I'd meet a kid who had those type as parents.

Once I learnt everything that happened for the 15 years of his life at home, I 100% took the role Alec needed, he needed someone to protect him from getting hurt, so I did that, he needed somebody to listen, I did that, then it was evident he needed somebody to care for him because he felt alone, I would gladly do that.

Alec kept crying, I was rubbing his back, I found it did help to rub his back, like a child, but it was more rather me assuring him I would be there to protect him, I knew from everything that he was practically starved of any real affection which it sickens me to think the parents knowingly did not love their own child for no real reason, Alec was still a kid and he deserved love.

“Alec...” I said, trying to get his attention, speaking gently so I wasn’t scaring him unintentionally. I wasn’t sure if he was focused on me but I continued talking, “Alec... It's okay... Shhhh... It's okay...”

Alec was still crying, but I think he heard me because he tighten his grip on my neck, I didn’t care, he wasn’t hurting me, he was a terrified child and I didn’t want him to be scared. Technically he was still a child, and the situation he faced was terrifying, so much so that he couldn't comprehend it.

My eye briefly looked at the time, 5:04 AM. 

I reasoned it was probably unlikely I was going back to bed, but I didn’t care, my priority is Alec, and it will be as long as needed, even if I had to sit here all day with him, I was prepared for that.

Hell, I would be 100% fine if I was still comforting him years later, his emotions were only so raw and messy because he never healthily expressed them, he kept them bottled up, locked away for fifteen long years, now he could finally just let it all out. He had resentment built up and he never had let that go, now it built into an awful cloud of depression that was clearly reflected in his teary eyes and the way he'd just instinctively cling onto me like he was terrified to lose me.

I have little doubt that an outsider would look at me comforting him and think I was like a Papa Bear comforting my own distressed Cub, like how a parent does with their child.

I didn't care, they didn't see the complete story by looking at a picture, they saw a glimpse of a bigger situation, one which they would have no clue about. Alec looked like a little teddy bear, but people would not be able to tell he was an innocent human who got swept up into a big mess by looking at him now.

Me? I was trying to find a way to fix this.

I didn't mind that he was angry about his situation, being away from people he knew and being in a strange place, I took a problem with him bawling his eyes out alone when he didn't need to be alone. 

“Alec... It's okay... I will protect you... I will protect you like you are my own child...” I whispered, but I made sure he could hear it. 

Alec sniffled, he lifted his head slightly, he definitely heard me, “L-Like I'm your child?” He asked me in his choked voice like he was trying to stop himself from crying, I saw the tears running down his face, it was like he was trying to be strong in front of me, he was trying to fight away his tears despite they were still present, reflecting his real mood.

I could tell by Alec's face there was only one correct answer in this situation, and in my mind, I knew exactly what the answer was.

And it was the answer I wanted to say.

“Yes, like you are my child Alec... You deserve a real parent in your life who cares about you, do you know why I'm comforting you now?”

Alec's ears lowered and he shook his head.

“Because... You never had love for years,” I summoned my handkerchief to wipe his tears away, “You didn't think you would ever have it... You had to watch them love your sister while you were given nothing, not even acknowledgement... You felt jealous... Because you saw they loved Hazel but they wouldn't love you equally... The way they treat you is wrong...” I answered.

“Is this what a parent does? No matter what?”

He had asked another question that broke my heart, all these questions were genuine as a result of years and years of emotional neglect and that was what hurt, he didn’t know what was right or wrong now, everything was in doubt. “Yes, Alec... Yes...”

Maybe if there was some way and if he wanted... 

No... I couldn't... They wouldn't allow me to adopt him... Even if some form of neglect was proven, I couldn't see a possibility where the outcome is me adopting him.

“Maybe....” His voice spoke tentatively, I kept quiet and watched him, waiting for his response, it appeared he wanted to say something important and he was trying to gather his thoughts. I wasn’t going to force him to do anything he didn’t want to.

“Maybe... Maybe... You... You are supposed to be my Dad...”

I couldn't help but feel both slightly rattled by that and elated, I didn't expect that to come out of his mouth. I considered myself his guardian when all the stuff I did was beyond the scope of that, the difference from me and his parents Ian and Meg, that I would do the basics like making sure he was eating, I gave him somewhere to sleep, I could have just left him to cry alone because of the whole “not my kid, not my problem”...

But I didn't want to...

I didn't want him to cry...

I didn't want him to feel like the universe was against him...

His happiness is more important than anything... 

I believed living a happier life was more important than living years and years in misery, which is exactly what happened to him...

“Could... Could you take me back to bed? I'm sleepy...” He wiped his eyes of any tears that were still around.

With a few words, it seemed he went from bawling to being tired and wanting to crawl back into bed, and the words I said appear to be the ones he had waited years to hear.

“Of course...” 

Alec yawned, it was kind of squeaky but he didn’t appear to notice.

“I will always care for you like you are my child Alec...” I repeated it to make sure he knew at least one person was there for him. 

He looked at me, the way he looked wasn't exactly happiness but he looked at me like he was absolutely relieved to hear that.

I stood up, I was still holding him, he settled down, he had rested his head against my torso like he was now tired. I took him out of the room and went to the opposite end of the hall to take him back to my room, I guess in retrospect, it could also be considered his, as he has a bed in there which he sleeps on every night.

I stepped in quietly, as Helpy was still asleep in the room, and out of respect: I didn’t want to wake him up for an unnecessary reason. I made the stop to his bed, I placed him in bed, he moved on the bed like he was trying to find a comfortable position to resume sleeping, once he stopped moving, I took his blanket out of his hands, he appeared confused but I quickly threw it down and essentially I tucked him into bed. 

He looked perfectly comfortable but I decided one more step.

“Hold onto this lullaby  
Even when the music's gone  
Gone...” 

I saw him yawn, he was focused on my singing but he was slowly dosing off. I noticed he liked my singing, so I would use it to calm him down completely.

“Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound...”

I stroked the tuff of fur on top of his head, watching him blink slower, “Just close your eyes  
You'll be alright  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound...”

His eyes finally closed, his head tilted onto the pillow, he moved briefly to get comfortable, he let out another yawn.

“Goodnight Alec...” I softly whispered. 

I stood up and went to my own bed when I heard: “Goodnight... Dad...”

I knew I did not mishear that.

I immediately turned my head around to see he was 100% unconscious, part of me reasoned he was probably too physically and emotionally exhausted to realise what the hell he just said.

But a part of me was saying he knew exactly what he was saying and it was the truth.

And I was glad to hear that.

My efforts were not for nothing.

That was the last thing I remembered before falling onto my bed and pulling my blanket up, sleeping peacefully... Knowing that Alec felt safe and loved, which is the most important thing to me.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, I wanted to write a short piece completely in Lefty's POV as I am Machine, the main story has Alec as the focus, and I consider Lefty to be a deuteragonist most of the time. I will be writing more of the story in addition to more short stories in the future.


End file.
